


The Wild One

by Sheogorath



Category: NCIS/CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: AR, Crossover, M/M, Non-human slash, Parody, Pure insanity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheogorath/pseuds/Sheogorath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jethro Gibbs discovers a musically inclined lizard in his backyard, he has <i>no</i> idea of the events it heralds!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This Sheogorath is the one from my completed Oblivion game save file, not my self-insertion character. Cue the insanity!

Seeing the time that was displayed on his radio alarm clock, Jethro Gibbs groaned as he wondered exactly what had woken him up, then the sound came again. Cursing, he got out of bed to go harangue whoever was messing about with his windchimes, but when he got downstairs, he could barely believe his eyes. Was he dreaming, or was a six foot, humanoid monitor lizard with iguana features seriously running its foreclaws along the suspended tubes of metal that produced the tinkling sound? Not only that, but the creature's head was black except for a band of red across its eyes, which itself was interrupted by more black on the eyelids, and its body was black with a red sheen. In addition to the above features, the creature had a crimson crest running from its forehead to the nape of its neck, and also had a crimson dorsal ridge running along its tail.

As soon as he had taken all of this in, the NCIS SAC went to the door to see if he could coax the creature inside, but as soon as it heard the clicking of the lock, it gave a startled hiss and ran on two legs to the fence, hopped over the barrier, and was gone.

Driving home from work later that day, Gibbs stopped in at Target to pick up a new set of wind chimes. If the creature came back the next morning, he would try to coax it in with them.

✱   ✱   ✱

The next morning, Gibbs was again woken by his wind chimes, so he went downstairs. Sure enough, the creature was back, so as quietly as he could, the human crossed his kitchen to where he had hung the new wind chimes the night before, then began to run his fingers over them. Again, the creature gave a startled hiss and began to flee, but once it saw that the human was in the middle of his kitchen and not moving towards it, it returned and again ran its foreclaws over the musical tubes. Suddenly realising that the lizard, if that's what it was, was moving in time with the sounds that were being produced, Gibbs took inspiration and began picking out 'Ode to Joy' on the wind chimes inside, causing the creature to stop what it was doing to listen, spellbound.

After fifteen minutes of playing short classical pieces on his simple instrument, the SAC said, "You really like music, don't you?"

This broke the spell, of course, and the lizard hissed and fled.

✱   ✱   ✱

A few days later, Gibbs had another inspired thought, and once he got home from work that day, he looked out an old portable CD player he knew he had somewhere, then got some classical CDs from his collection. Once he had, he set up the player in his kitchen and loaded a Beethoven CD into it before going up to bed.

The following morning, the human was disappointed not to hear the sound of wind chimes, so he went downstairs to get a cup of coffee. However, on entering his kitchen, he heard the screen door on his porch creak and slam, and seeing the lizard just outside of it, realised that it must have been in his porch. Wondering how the creature had learned how to open the screen door, Gibbs nevertheless crossed over to the CD player and switched it on, and the lizard soon became lost in the melody of 'Moonlight Sonata'.

Halfway through the track, the SAC said, "I should play this for you again."

This time, however, the creature was too entranced by the music to flee, and Gibbs took heart from this, deciding to go upstairs for his camcorder. By the time he had found it and returned downstairs, though, the music had finished and the lizard was gone.

Before going up to bed that night, Gibbs put out a bowl of raw meat for his guest, hoping that the creature would have time to eat it before its host woke up in the morning.

✱   ✱   ✱

Walking into his kitchen the next day, the SAC again heard the slamming of his screen door, so he began filming with his camcorder, then turned the CD player on. Once 'Moonlight Sonata' had finished playing, he stopped the disc and walked to his porch, causing his guest to flee, but was disappointed to note that the meat he had left had not been touched. Either the lizard had not been hungry, or it just didn't like raw meat. Gibbs would just have to leave cooked meat out that night and see how that went down.

As he walked into work later on, Gibbs said, "Abby! With me."

Immediately, the goth forensic specialist fell into step beside him, asking, "What is it, Gibbs?"

Once the two had reached the lab, the SAC showed Abby the footage he had shot, and upon seeing the lizard, she said, "Wow! That's a creature after my own heart!"

However, Gibbs said, "Wait, just watch," and his colleague concentrated as she took in the sight of the creature almost waltzing to the Beethoven tune that was playing.

"So, what do you think?" asked Gibbs.

"I think it's amazing that you taught a lizard how to do that, sir," Abby answered.

"That's the thing, I _didn't_ teach it. It seems the creature has a natural affinity for music. In fact, I first discovered it playing with the wind chimes hanging from my porch roof."

Abby made another sound of admiration, but was unable to offer any further answers, making Gibbs very frustrated by the time he left work that day.

✱   ✱   ✱

The next morning, Gibbs heard the screen door closing as he walked into the kitchen, but without slamming this time, and the lizard didn't flee when he went into the porch to check the bowl of meat, which was almost empty. Picking up the bowl, the SAC walked back into his kitchen with it, where he scraped it and loaded it into the dishwasher while playing 'Boadicea' by Enya. Despite the fact that it wasn't classical music, the lizard seemed to enjoy it just as much, and Gibbs thought about increasing its musical range.

"Any news on my musical lizard, Abby?" the SAC asked as he got into work.

"Sorry, Gibbs, but no," she answered. "I've searched all the available databases, extra-legal as well, but none of them have any info on that creature. When are you going to bring him in?"

While Abby was talking, McGee looked across at Tony and mouthed, "Musical lizard?"

Tony looked back, twirled his index finger around his right temple, and mouthed in return, "Loco."

"I saw that," Gibbs said while his back was still turned to the two younger men. "Especially you, Tony."

Tony shrugged in false bewilderment, the very picture of injured innocence, as his boss continued, "I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to bring him in, he's hardly domesticated. He does seem to be getting less skittish every day, though. Maybe this time next year."

"Then I get to study him?"

"Then you get to study him."

"Oh, goody!" With that, Abby skipped off to the lab.

That night, Gibbs put two batteries into the CD player and left it in the porch with the usual bowl of cooked meat, then set up his camcorder to film until the middle of the next day, thanking the powers that be for large capacity SD cards as he did so.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment and tell me how I'm doing with my American English.

## Chapter Two.

As he was getting ready for bed that night, Gibbs suddenly saw the two garbage bags full of old clothing that one of the local thrift stores was going to collect while he was at work the next day, so he picked them up and carried them down to his kitchen, knowing that he would forget if he didn't do it now. As he entered the porch, the SAC was surprised to see the lizard already inside, but although it tensed and hissed warningly at him, it made no move to attack.

"It's all right, boy," the human said soothingly, surprised at his sexing of the creature. "I'm just going to put these here for somebody to pick up tomorrow."

As Gibbs re-entered his kitchen, the lizard relaxed again, hissing more gently all the while.

✱   ✱   ✱

When Gibbs woke up the following morning, he was surprised to hear the sound of wind chimes again, so went straight downstairs to find out why. As soon as he entered the kitchen, the lizard went into the porch and picked up the CD player, jabbing at the play button as he held it up for the human to see.

The SAC was surprised to note that the creature seemed to have dressed itself from the contents of the thrift store bags, and was wearing a cotton T-shirt over a woollen sweater, with a fanny pack serving to belt these items. Most unusual of all, however, was the long plaid muffler that was wrapped around the lizard's hips, almost like a loincloth.

After taking all this in, Gibbs was then startled from his perusal by a hiss from the creature, which again jabbed ineffectually at the play button on the CD player it was holding.

"Oh, it's out of power," the SAC said after opening the kitchen door, then he reached out for the device and turned back inside to get more batteries.

Once the CD player had been loaded with four fresh LR14 dry cells, Gibbs gave it back to the lizard, which immediately put it down before pressing the play button, then it lost itself in the music. After this, Gibbs stopped the camcorder, then took out its SD card. He would show its contents to Abby later.

✱   ✱   ✱

While Gibbs was playing the footage he had shot to the forensics expert, Dr Donald Mallard walked into the lab to speak to them, only to stop and watch the film.

Finally, he said, "That is an absolutely _fascinating_ creature. Oh, I've completed the autopsy on Gunner Thomas whenever you're ready."

"OK, Ducky. Be right with you," Gibbs answered, then turned back to the screen just as the lizard switched the CD player's radio on.

What Abby and Gibbs heard next was Wanz's voice singing:

"I'm gonna pop some tags  
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket  
I-I-I'm huntin', lookin' for a come up  
This is (.......) awesome

"I wear your grandad's clothes  
I look incredible  
I'm in this big (...) coat  
From that thrift shop down the road"

As the song played, the lizard was moving in time to its melody, and Gibbs quietly chuckled at the irony of a creature wearing clothes meant for the thrift store while dancing to a song named after it.

✱   ✱   ✱

While driving home that night, Gibbs stopped in at a second-hand music store and picked up a selection of CDs, then once he got home, he left them in the porch with three packages of LR14 batteries and another bowl of cooked meat. After this, he put a TV dinner of Salisbury steak with macaroni and cheese into the microwave, then once it had been fully reheated, he took the food into the lounge to eat it in front of an X-Files DVD. He would need something that required suspension of disbelief after the depressing realities he faced in his job.

✱   ✱   ✱

The following morning, Gibbs took a leisurely shower, a luxury he had last engaged in over a week before, then went downstairs to make breakfast while spending some time in the lizard's company. On this day every week, he always went in later then normal, so there was no rush.

Walking into the kitchen, the SAC opened his back door and seeing the lizard there, asked it, "Hey there. Fancy some breakfast?"

He went to his fridge and got out milk and eggs before pulling a bag of self-rising flour from a cabinet, then after getting out a bowl and a whisk, began to mix batter for pancakes.

Just then, the fridge door opened and, thinking that he hadn't closed it properly, Gibbs turned around only to see the lizard stood in front of the appliance, looking at the food on the shelves. After several moments, it reached in with one forefoot, then pulled it out holding a packet of Kraft Singles, which it put into the fanny pack it was wearing. It then went to the cupboards and opened them until it found a small saucepan, which it filled with water from the cold faucet, then it placed the pan on the stove and put in three eggs. Once it had done this, the creature looked all over the stove, then stood back and held up a forefoot, in which a small ball of roiling fire started to gather.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Gibbs almost shouted, first thinking that the lizard was going to burn down his kitchen, then wondering exactly how it had done what it had. Nevertheless, the SAC lit the burner for his guest, which began to watch carefully as tiny bubbles started to form around the sides of the pan and the shells of the eggs.

As he was driving to work several minutes later, Gibbs thought about filming the lizard's trick on his camcorder. He knew that even Abby wouldn't believe him about it unless he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright © 2014 Romersa's Protégé. Individuals and groups are free to copy and share this work for all purposes except large scale distribution, subject to credit being given and any derivatives being released under the same or a similar licence. All other rights reserved.


End file.
